Re-TREAT!!
I am officially in hiding.
If I can retreat to the bedroom (which I've decorated in festive string lights and a glitter lamp...I need something to stare aimlessly at!) and get back to artwork that I love, I'll be okay.
If I can hide from the wrath of my mother and the gnawing self importance of my stepfather, I'll be happy.
And If I can teach Trey to use a phone so I can keep in touch with him, I'll feel a whole lot less guilty. Ugh.
I'm also retreating from a good deal of my generation who according to msnbc.com has been labelled as the "me" generation. It kind of is. There's a deep value of "insta-celebrity" and well, yourself. Not the actual you, but the you that's created in your head or you'd hope to be.
There's also been a lot of competition lately, and I don't like competition. The most (scarily enough) coming from my mother who has decided that anything that I can do she can do better or anything not so charming about her is not so charming about me.
I've noticed the only way to ask her for help is to flatter her endlessly until she seems fluffed enough and then ask her. Then flatter her more in case it blows up.
It isn't brown nosing, I don't do brown nosing...It's the closest thing to a human sacrifice they have in New Jersey.
I love my mom, I just can't...I don't know. It's too upsetting having your mother want you to be homely, dumb, and untalented. And forget wanting it, deciding it has to be. The truth is she's just repeating what her mother did to her. So where does that leave me? Will I do it to my unknown, unborn, and un-conceived child? If so, time to bang my head for an indefinite period of time!
So I'm hiding, and I'm not a recluse. I'm just not in touch with certain people.
And how are you? ;)
Happy Tuesday :)
Love,
Arabella
If I can retreat to the bedroom (which I've decorated in festive string lights and a glitter lamp...I need something to stare aimlessly at!) and get back to artwork that I love, I'll be okay.
If I can hide from the wrath of my mother and the gnawing self importance of my stepfather, I'll be happy.
And If I can teach Trey to use a phone so I can keep in touch with him, I'll feel a whole lot less guilty. Ugh.
I'm also retreating from a good deal of my generation who according to msnbc.com has been labelled as the "me" generation. It kind of is. There's a deep value of "insta-celebrity" and well, yourself. Not the actual you, but the you that's created in your head or you'd hope to be.
There's also been a lot of competition lately, and I don't like competition. The most (scarily enough) coming from my mother who has decided that anything that I can do she can do better or anything not so charming about her is not so charming about me.
I've noticed the only way to ask her for help is to flatter her endlessly until she seems fluffed enough and then ask her. Then flatter her more in case it blows up.
It isn't brown nosing, I don't do brown nosing...It's the closest thing to a human sacrifice they have in New Jersey.
I love my mom, I just can't...I don't know. It's too upsetting having your mother want you to be homely, dumb, and untalented. And forget wanting it, deciding it has to be. The truth is she's just repeating what her mother did to her. So where does that leave me? Will I do it to my unknown, unborn, and un-conceived child? If so, time to bang my head for an indefinite period of time!
So I'm hiding, and I'm not a recluse. I'm just not in touch with certain people.
And how are you? ;)
Happy Tuesday :)
Love,
Arabella
posted by vanillabirdies at
12:37 PM
2 Comments:
Arabella,
Headbanging must be in season today. Stop by and see the aardvaark.
All parents visit upon their children some form of their childhood, the only real hope is awareness so that when you catch yourself doing it, you can back up, apologize and steadily improve the situation.
As for you being a celebrity, you are in the best possible way: Fame built on brains, talent, and accomplishments. So retreat to your cave, nurse the wounds a bit, and come out shining.
Oh, goodness.
Okay, here's my therapist point for the day-parents who try to compete with their children (rather than support them) are incredibly insecure. keep that in mind and go about your bidness. You are great and it's Mom's loss if she doesn't see that.
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