Monday, January 14, 2008

Monday, Monday, Model, Model.

Wheee, I haven't written in a very long time. Wait, scratch that...I have written, I've just deleted them ten seconds after they were posted.


Now I think I'm ready to slowly get my feet wet in blogging world. Turned twenty a few weeks ago...Yay, very happy to be out of one funny little hurdle! It's time to make a truly daffy little post. I spend most of my time in art classes. My hands are covered in charcoal consistently. When away from the canvas and model...I feel a little empty. So my first post back will be a daffy little post about what you can and do find in a room with twelve to twenty other students and one or two naked models.

First of all god bless the art studio. For the most part there's heat, and light, something or someone to sketch...and no poor innocent bystander having to realize you've been staring at them for the last twenty minutes....Sorry!!!

Second god bless the model. I know it's hard. You have to stay perfectly still for a period of time while nude in a room of people staring at you. I appreciate it.

However, for every good decent model there is a hideous counterpoint.

Some examples include: Cheese?, Big Stick, Wobbles, and Travis Bickle.

Now, Wobbles is quite self explanatory. They wobble. They wiggle. They move their heads. They jiggle! This model either has picked the wrong pose or just has no concept of what sitting still actually entails. Usually a Wobbler will ask if the pose is over and then every few minutes after that complain and pull faces.

And then they sigh. And then they break out of the pose to stretch...And sigh again.

All in all not so bad.

After Wobbles in "self explanatory" comes...No, not Big Stick. Big Stick is quite possibly not what you think Big Stick is. Do not assume the worst on Big Stick. "Big Stick" (Yes, can I type it enough?) is every male model's best friend (No, no, still not what it might appear), one of those old rods with a hook attached to open and close big giant windows. Close to around six feet tall...They won't put it down. It isn't just a stick that's held or leaned on...It's BIG STICK! Must grasp! Must stand in power pose with. Must not let go! Mine!

Giant Phallic Symbol of Doom!

Drawing the big stick isn't fun. It gets in the way and it's just a straight line...But try to get one away from a male (or the one time butch lesbian..who also fits into a category soon to be detailed) prepared for a fight. There will be no taking away of Big Stick. Only admiration.

Now "Big Stick" is up there on things that can drive you a bit mad in art class. As can really any accessory a model brings in. Such as a tennis racket, boxing gloves, or a sandwich (stop moving your face!!!).

As for the tennis racket and boxing gloves...Do you know you're naked? Why are you boxing naked? Why are you playing tennis naked?

Actually one er -- creative model took "Big Stick" and wrapped his t-shirt around the end. He slung it over his shoulder and became classic hobo chic.

Do you know you're hitchhiking naked?...Actually that might help...Carry on.

And now Cheese?, Cheese? is when nothing at all is going on in a model. Nothing. Empty, confused, maybe hungry...Aha! Cheese? is born. You can work with Cheese?...Cheese? more than anything else is just...cheese? Imagine a face head slightly cocked, mouth hung open...Eyes vacant...Cheese?

Fits, yes?

And last but certainly not least Travis Bickle! Now, if you've seen Taxi Driver this is probably entirely self explanatory...But no worries folks...No vigilante here...Just a bit nerve wracking and more aggravating than all the other three combined!...But of course!

Now even if you haven't seen Taxi Driver...Does this sound familiar?

"You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me?...Well I'm the only one here..."

This is the model that is often insecure and is paranoid of what the class thinks of him/her...Or doesn't understand that as the person with the charcoal you're allowed to sketch them. In fact you're supposed to be looking at them.

"You lookin' at me? You lookin' at me?..."

Sometimes they just want to be the one looking. Other times...I don't know.

Often the "Travis Bickle" will start an argument with anyone over anything in the class. A student, a monitor, another model...A chair. Seriously.

A Travis Bickle type will also often comment on your sketch of them...If it isn't how they'd like to see (or present) themselves...They will get annoyed. Very, very annoyed.

Yes this is by far the most hideous of the bunch.

BUT!!!! For every awful model there is there's always an incredibly decent one and even *gasp* the heavens parting "muse" we all want to be or have.

Now don't take this blog all too seriously. It's for good humour. But is all true. People are funny :)

Have a great week to all!


Blogger Jamie said...

Yeah! I'm lookin' at you. You wanna make somethin' of it Huh? Huh?

Glad to have you back. It gets lonely around here when the birdie stops chirping.

The only other comment: "Giant Phallic Symbol of Doom!" Why am I sorry I've retired? :-)

14 January, 2008  
Blogger Rob said...

Happy Birthday

29 January, 2008  

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